The Beast Draws Near...

It swells deep from within. Like a storm on the horizon; it creeps ever closer. Sweat births itself, bead by bead to my skin. I can feel it; a growing pressure. My chest tightens and breath becomes shortened and constricted.

Something is here. Something is very very near. Through introspective pep-talk, I demand my eyes open. I think that if I am able to just scan the room and show myself that there is nothing around, that I’ll be free of this ominous torment that lingers along my psyche.

I inhale as deeply as I can, still unable to fill my lungs. I do this once, twice, three times. And in a fleeting moment of fabricated bravery, my eyes burst open! As the world comes into focus, I see it. My fears are realized in the realm of tangibles. I was not wrong, but oh, God how I wish I was.

For in front of me is the beast. The creature that goes bump in the night. And it nears closer to my face. I can feel its breath. It’s angry and stern. A wetness contacts the tip of my nose. Through furrowed gape, the beast drills into my eyes with his.

Unable to breathe now, I ready for the moment… Spartan licks my face.

Yes. Spartan. Spartan, the cat. He’s been on my chest and this is the moment; at 05:30 in the morning is the perfect time to demand food. And he does so by crawling along my chest and then locking eyes with me until I wake and oblige his furry demands.

This is life with a cat. A beast that goes bump in the night, and then sleeps all god damn day! A truly loathsome creature. But oh, how I love him!

Hello,

I’m Matthew

Welcome to the Unfiltered Mind of Matthew Heneghan.

I’m a former Canadian Armed Forces medic (1 Field Ambulance) and civilian paramedic who traded the siren for the pen. After fifteen years on the front lines and a diagnosis of PTSD, I realized that the only way out of the wreckage was through the story.

I am the author of A Medic’s Mind and Trauma and Tea, and the host of the podcast MatthewHeneghan: Unfiltered. This blog is my “fuck you” to the hustle—a space to breathe between the plays and find the magic in the quiet, grit-covered moments of trauma recovery, veteran advocacy, and resilience.

If you’re tired of the “paper value” of society and looking for real-life stories on hitting rock bottom and climbing back up, you’re in the right place. Explore the archives, hear the podcast, and let’s find the space to breathe together.