Author Matthew Heneghan

Why do we do it? Why do we insist on torturing ourselves with the notion of pleasing everyone? Who was the first poor schmuck to think they could endure such a feat?

Maybe we’re born with it — an innate desire to be liked, to be accepted, to please those around us. A primal urge to seek approval from everyone and anyone. But here’s the rub: it’s a fool’s errand. A task as impossible as making a virgin mojito worth drinking.

Every person is different. Society is fickle. Trying to please everyone is like trying to capture the wind in your hands and hold it. Typically, we’re left daunted and defeated, questioning why we bothered in the first place. Why do that to ourselves?

Those with big hearts generally fall this way. I’m not advocating for selfishness, but more accurately, self-focus. Self-care is not innately selfish. Even on a plane, you’re asked to don your mask first before trying to assist anyone else. If you run out of air trying to help someone else breathe, you’re likely to suffocate beneath the impossible weight of that responsibility. We should carry that lesson into our daily lives.

We can offer a hand and help when able, but when others place expectations atop goodwill, that’s where the line should be drawn. Expecting from others without doing for ourselves is the surest way to undesired outcomes.

Altruism, like air, is a commodity. We only miss it when it’s not present, but it’s needed in this life. Never take it for granted.

Those who give need to be reminded that it’s okay to receive. It’s alright to pause and rest. Anyone who says otherwise — just smile and offer them a cold drink. Maybe a… virgin mojito?